How to Have Happy Holidays: Create Your Holiday MAP

By Diane Kern, Ph.D.

Just as a road map shows us how to get to a destination, a Holiday MAP can guide us to the experience we seek to have during the holiday season. Your Holiday MAP taps into the following aspects of the holiday experience: Meaning, Attitude, and Physical Well-Being.

Meaning: What do the holidays mean to you?   

You can assign meaning and define significance to your holiday experience. Recognize that when you pursue meaningful and significant experiences, they are more fulfilling and memorable. 

It is up to you and within your power to define meaning and allow it to guide the way you wish to observe the holidays.

• Tap into your spirituality to help you define the meaning you wish to assign.

       For instance:

• Thanksgiving is usually regarded as an opportunity to gather with loved ones; share a sumptuous meal; and acknowledge grati
• Christmas for Christians is recognized as the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ
• Take time out to stop and reflect; meditate on; and be intentional about the purpose you wish the holidays to serve.
• Acknowledge what it is about the holidays that ignites your passion.
• Engage in religious practices that enable you to experience a meaningful holiday.

           >> Prayer

>> Worship Services

>> Religious Music

>> Bible Study

Attitude: How do you wish to feel during the holidays?

You have power over your emotional experiences. You can choose how you wish to feel during the holidays and aim toward those feelings. Here are ways to enact the emotional experiences you seek during the holiday season.

Calm: 

• Reduce the external noise and focus on your internal feelings. Be aware and manage any distress.
• Take time to slow down and relax.
• Take periodic breaks from the frenetic activities that may surround you.

Peace:

• Choose your battles. Holiday gatherings are not the best time to tackle major interpersonal problems.
• Set realistic, reasonable, and healthy boundaries. 
• Do what you can. Honor and be okay with your realistic limitations. If tasks feel overwhelming or “too much,” your boundaries are in jeopardy.
• Say “no” to unreasonable requests/demands of others.
• Ask for help. Allow others to share in your experience and recognize their talents and ability to positively contribute.

Joy and Happiness:

• Practice self-compassion by recognizing that it is okay and healthy to feel good about yourself; to treat yourself well; and to allow others to treat you well. 
• Exercise compassion and empathy toward others to enjoy positive interpersonal connections.
• Have fun by engaging in activities that you enjoy; that uplift your spirit and that energize you.

Managing Sadness and Loss:

• If you are grieving the death(s) of loved ones, give yourself the grace and space to do so.
• With any major loss (i.e., job, major relationship, death of loved one, health status, etc.), recognize that the holidays may feel different for you. Give yourself permission to not participate in the usual activities or the frivolity that may surround you. It is okay, to not be okay. 
• Let others know what you need in terms of time and respect your need for emotional space.
• Let others who care about you be there for you in ways that you find helpful. Let them know what works for you.

Physical Well Being:

• Take care of your health during the holidays. Do your best to:
• Get sufficient and good quality sleep. 
• Be mindful about not overeating or excessive alcohol consumption.
• Stay on top of your medical status and check-ups
• Manage your time and energy. 

Seek Professional Help if your emotional distress is overwhelming and interfering with your daily functioning. Signs include difficulty working or conducting regular activities, overeating, no appetite, problems sleeping, withdrawing from others, lack of enjoyment, persistent sadness, and thoughts of harming yourself or others.

Resources:

• Call 988, the National Suicide and Mental Helpline

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | SAMHSA

Seek Psychotherapy:

There are many options available. You may search online by entering terms related to therapy and specific types of therapy you prefer. Below are some general resources.

• Psychology Today Therapist Directory: 
• Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist

• Talk to your primary care physician and ask for a referral